I’ve learned to think of retirement as a series of transitions—some are hardly noticeable, others signal big changes.
Considering that most of us will live for 25 – 30 years after retirement, we should expect to make several life transitions as circumstances change. Since retiring in 2010, I’ve experienced several transitions. I presume there will be many more.
Early Transitions
I think back to the early retirement phase, a time filled with feelings of freedom. I loved the freedom to make my daily schedule with unlimited time to pursue idleness. No more waking to an alarm and facing a daily commute that lasted 45 – 60 minutes each way. Stressful career demands and burdensome workloads were gone! There was time to go to the gym—every day if I so chose! I could eat when I wanted and sleep as long and as often as I wished!
Other transitions in this early phase involved scratching the travel itch, exploring new adventures without worry about using up precious vacation days. Travel included trips to other continents, cruises, adventures with friends, and sun filled getaways with my husband to avoid Canadian winters.
New opportunities included exploring neglected hobbies. I took classes in knitting, cooking, yoga, gardening, tai chi, and photography. I signed up for too many volunteer gigs on national and community boards. When I found myself back to spending hours in boardrooms with binders of meeting materials, I realized that I was reliving aspects of my career. I resigned from these boards and resolved not to undertake retirement activities that involved going to meetings!
Family relationships changed including marriage of our son. We welcomed our daughter-in-law into our family and, over time, became grandparents. These family changes involved big life transitions, some compromises, new identities and new obligations!
Another transition involved our first down-sizing phase and transition to a different house, a different lifestyle and a different community. I made new friends and found new activities.
Challenging Transitions
Some transitions are difficult. These usually involve losses that leave one feeling vulnerable and anxious.
When cumbersome leg braces to deal with severe neuropathy forced my husband to stop driving, I became the family chauffeur. Not driving was a huge transition for him — as well as me! My role in our relationship changed.
With only one driver in our household, we coordinate our schedules carefully so that neither misses appointments or activities. I drive more carefully to avoid tickets or, worse, accidents. Our lifestyle, including trips to the cottage, depends on easy access to road transportation and a dependable vehicle.
The long months of isolation during the Pandemic was a transition many of us wish to forget. Uncertainty and fear of the unknown ruled every choice. We celebrated family birthdays on doorsteps and in garages to stay 6 feet apart. Zoom calls allowed interactions with friends. Socializing became a distant memory as did theatre or concert outings.
Complicating the anxieties of pandemic restrictions was my husband’s unexpected diagnosis of Lymphoma. I transitioned into caring for a spouse with cancer and faced the sadness that involves living through such an adverse diagnosis by proximity. After two and a half years of intensive chemo and maintenance chemo treatments, a PET scan showed remission. However, the threat of cancer’s return remains a constant worry.
Growing older also means confronting losses through death. Shortly after I retired my only sister died leaving me a 70-something ‘orphan’. Two of my husband’s siblings died during the pandemic. We’ve also lost countless friends.
Coping with Transitions
Every transition provides a chance to grow and learn. Acknowledging the difficulties of unexpected transitions allows exploration of our deepest values as we adjust to a changed reality. There may be periods of confusion, discomfort and fear.
Writing helps me cope. Regular blog posts were part of my earlier retirement journey. In recent months I’ve been on a blogging sabbatical. I stay faithful to writing in my journal where I spill my feelings! I am also writing family stories as a legacy for our grandchildren.
Support systems help when coping with changes especially those of sweeping portent. Understanding that each transition is a work in progress gets reinforced when shared with family members or friends who provide a listening ear as well as guidance for problem solving.
Navigating transitions also requires inner work. Your relationship with yourself needs a solid footing to find strength for difficult transitions as well as joy in the easier life changes.
Wherever you might be in the retirement journey, I hope you face each transition from a place of loving kindness.
Photo credit to Ross Findon as published on Unsplash.
Jeanette,
Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful reflections on transitions.
In our journey, we have had some similar or parallel transitions which have required significant changes and adjustments in our navigation through evolving “new normals”.
I think we have developed an acceptance and openess to change and perhaps a more fluid way of adapting and letting go as needed. Or perhaps we just have a new awareness of the “constant of change” we have always lived with since our childhood.
Best wishes in your continuing journey of living, learning and sharing. And thank you for pulling together some threads and prodding some little grey cells.
In friendship, ..John
Learning how to navigate aging and the many changes it brings challenges everyone. Learning the skills of letting go and adapting to constant change requires wisdom and acceptance as well as nerves of steel.
I wish you all the best in your journey.
My mom would always say, “Life is change.” And it’s true in retirement as well. I am glad your husband’s cancer is in remission. I hope whatever transition you are in or will be in, you will find the joy where you can. This is our challenge – especially as we age. I enjoy reading your posts.
Your mother was right, “Life is change”. Accepting that change happens continuously helps to keep the joy as we age. My current transition is one of learning to pace myself to allow for days of lower energy. At age 79, I know my limits!