Identity Changes

As I grow old I realize that my identity changes with the seasons of life. These changes don’t mean losing the essence of who I am. Time, circumstances, and experiences change aspects of who I am.

Identity formation is based on relationships, environment, race, social class and experiences.  Media, religion, family and friends also shape — and change — identity. It makes sense that circumstances, experiences, and time will result in identity changes.

Re-thinking Outdated Identities

It’s natural to re-think outdated identities as we grow older.

The energetic go-getter of the past is gone along with the old-fashioned thinking that life can be simple and clear.  The younger me would rush to start new things knowing that time was on my side for finishing.  Start studying for an MBA at age 39.  Why not? As a part-time student, it would take 4 years to complete the program but the years to my mid-forties would pass whether I studied for a degree or frittered away the time. I chose to study and rushed through those years often missing valuable family experiences but buoyed by feelings of achievement!

After middle age, life became more complicated rather than simple and clear. My identity changed as I dealt with constant time stress due to over-commitment in my career as well as mounting expectations from my family.  Thankfully I had enough energy to manage expectations at work and home. Did an identity as a frantic superwoman evolve during those years?  Unfortunately, yes! Adrenaline rushes became my best friend!

Retirement brought a new stage of life. When I stopped working, my identity changed again. There was a loss in terms of a sense of purpose and achievement but other passions developed.  How wonderful to learn that none of my bridge partners cared about who I was in the past or what I may have accomplished.  I learned that what mattered was bidding correctly and making a contract!

Similar identity changes happened through stages of marriage, parenting and, more recently, grandparenting. Likewise, social and cultural expectations such as self-reliance and independence continue to influence my shifting identity.

Marginalization and Identity

As I get older I realize how easily one gets marginalized.

I watch my husband struggle to maintain social connections and relationships while coping with chronic disease and mobility challenges. This has made me ultra-sensitive to how ageism, isolation, social exclusion and loneliness can affect identity. Ageing involves physical challenges for some but it doesn’t mean decreased cognitive capacity, memory loss or lack of problem-solving skills.

Too often, society equates increased chronological age with being an ‘old’ person and assumes certain characteristics will be essential to the person’s identity.

As much as possible, I refuse to identify myself as an old lady. Occasionally I still climb ladders as shown in this photo taken last summer in a friend’s cottage bunkie — but I move more cautiously.

Awareness of aspects of age-related marginalization helps me remember that well-being is not measured by one’s age in years.

Opinions Change as Identity Changes

Growing older also means that many of my opinions and beliefs have shifted.  For example, organized religion is no longer an essential part of my life although I still attend Unitarian services on Zoom.

I have different opinions about the world and social justice. I’m not as quick to judge without listening to the perspective of others. I have learned to look for and appreciate what is good.   I’m kinder, more generous, and more forgiving.

Learning to re-think outdated identity takes courage.  Ageing takes perseverance. It means accepting change and learning that we don’t see things the same way as in the past. It means doing brave things such as learning to connect with the self in new ways.

Readers, I know there will be more identity changes as the years pile up for me and for each of you. I’d like to hear your perspectives on the changes you have experienced. Thanks for reading my post.

 

 

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